It's not too late
Most couples also wait too long (around 6 years as found by Dr John Gottman) to reach out for professional support. And by this time there’s often a chasm of disconnection, animosity, misunderstandings, criticism and dislike for one another. Does that mean you can't turn it around? No! But it's going to take commitment, effort and honesty from both of you to get back to a good place.
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You may be experiencing some of the following issues in your relationship:
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A feeling of disconnection, like roommates just rolling through the motions of daily life, passing like ships in the night.
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You don't talk about anything deeper than work, the kids, chores, and weekly schedule.
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The 'spark' is gone and intimacy is lacking or non-existent.
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You can't remember the last time you laughed or had any fun together.
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You're having persistent issues resolving conflict, stuck in communication patterns that feel impossible to change and you never feel like you're being heard.
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You may have no conflict at all which might seem like a good thing, but it's just because you're just avoiding talking about any issues you have.
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You don't feel like you're on the same page and don't understand each other anymore. Things used to be so easygoing and now you just don't see eye to eye on anything.
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There has been a betrayal in the relationship and the trust and respect have been lost.
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If you're struggling in your relationship, you are not alone. Most of us weren't modelled how to navigate relationship challenges, resolve conflict and communicate well. We're just figuring it out as we go and operating from our past experiences and behaviour patterns which aren't always helpful.
It's time to
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​Rebuild your connection, friendship and intimacy.
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Learn to handle conflict in a healthy way, repair after fights and find compromise.
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Bring back 'teamwork', fun and shared meaning to the relationship.
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Get you communicating on a deeper level, understanding each other's inner world, emotions and past experiences.
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And also look at what is working in the relationship (it's easy to overlook what works when it feels like a lot isn't working).
The Gottman Method
To create change we need to do something different than what we are currently doing. This can be challenging when you’re unsure of the next step. I support clients with practical strategies that they can take with them and use between sessions such as The Gottman Method.
Based on over 40 years of research with over 3,000 couples this therapeutic model has interventions for supporting couples to improve their relationships. This method will enable you to reshape the dynamics and behaviours within your relationship.
As with all forms of therapy, this is not a quick fix and requires both parties to take responsibility and make some changes. However it can transform both the relationship and how you feel in it effectively.
This is the foundation for the work we will do together, but I may draw on some other models or techniques if needed.
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Read more about on the predictors of relationship breakdown as per Gottmans' research on my blog post: Are the Four Horsemen running wild in your relationship?
Sessions & Fees
We will start with an assessment phase (3 sessions) to understand where you've gotten to and why. From there we can see exactly what you need support with and can start working on the appropriate interventions in the challenging areas - we don't change what is working. The interventions used will be specific to your relationship needs and will be practised in our sessions so you can use them at home.
Example session schedule:
Session 1: Joint session (90-minutes)
Both partners complete online assessments between sessions 1 and 2
Session 2: Individual sessions (45-minutes each)
Session 3: Joint session (90-minutes) - feedback on assessments, planning/goals and start working in the area you most need help with
Session 4 and beyond - Interventions continue as needed.
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Fees:
First joint session (90-minutes) $180 - includes one-off cost of online assessments
Individual sessions (45-minutes each) $120 in total
Ongoing joint sessions (60-minutes) $120
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In-person sessions are at Aberglasslyn, NSW (Hunter Valley).
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Online sessions are available if you aren't in the area or prefer the comfort of your own home. ​​​​